“I’ve never been so tired in my life and I have been doing this for 16 years, but I have never been as tired as I am now and it’s just so hard with no end in sight.”

What is depression?

Depression is a more serious mood disorder where the individual experiences persistent feelings of sadness, hopelessness and loses interest in things they once enjoyed. Depression causes emotional distress but can also cause chronic pain or digestive problems.

To be diagnosed with depression the individual must be experiencing five or more symptoms (see below) during the same 2-week period. At least one of the symptoms should be either (1) depressed mood or (2) loss of interest or pleasure.

1. Depressed mood most of the day, nearly every day.
2. Markedly diminished interest or pleasure in all, or almost all, activities most of the day, nearly every day.
3. Significant weight loss when not dieting or weight gain, or decrease or increase in appetite nearly every day.
4. A slowing down of thought and a reduction of physical movement (observable by others, not merely subjective feelings of restlessness or being slowed down).
5. Fatigue or loss of energy nearly every day.
6. Feelings of worthlessness or excessive or inappropriate guilt nearly every day.
7. Diminished ability to think or concentrate, or indecisiveness, nearly every day.
8. Recurrent thoughts of death, recurrent suicidal thoughts without a specific plan, or a suicide attempt or a specific plan for attempting suicide.

“It was such a range of emotions and I eventually worked out what I was feeling was grief. It just dragged up all the sadness from over the 40 years of all the hospitals and sagas that you have had in your journey of fighting. I think for a lot of us and a lot of people I know are burnt out and are very angry.”

We do of course recognize that due to your caring role you may not have a lot of spare time to practice some of the suggestions on this page. What is important is that you do what works best for you and your family and that you seek out support where it is available.

What should you do about low mood?

Self-care: Making some small changes to your lifestyle can have a large impact on your mood and overall health.

Get a good night’s rest

There is an association between depression and disturbed sleep (1). We know we feel better after a good night’s sleep and are more able to cope with the challenges we face. There are of course a number of additional factors which can impact on your sleep. We also know that overuse of mobile devices and screens before bedtime is associated with shorter sleep time and poorer sleep (2). Some medications can also affect your sleep such as Alpha-blockers used to treat blood pressure, Beta-blockers for treating hypertension, Corticosteriods which treat inflammation and some antidepressants. If you think that your medications are affecting your sleep, speak to your GP to see if they can recommend an alternative. Never stop your medications without first seeking medical advice.

Reduce your alcohol intake

Moderate alcohol consumption can improve your mood, however, we know that excessive drinking has a negative effect on both overall health and mood (3). This can be the case when we use alcohol to avoid feelings of anxiety, sadness or fear (3). If you think you are drinking too much you should think about keeping a diary of how much you drink to track this. You can then reduce this to a level you are happy with.

Increase your exercise

Exercise has been shown to improve our mood (4), but is also important for our overall health. Light physical activity refers to movements we habitually perform every day. Increasing the amount of light physical activity you do each day can reduce the risk of heart disease (5). You can use your phone or buy a pedometer to track your activity levels and gradually increase these over time.

Practice mindfulness

Some people use mindfulness to help with their mental health. Mindfulness is a technique whereby we become more aware of our actions and our place. It can be used to stop ourselves from feeling overwhelmed. It’s something you can work into your daily lives. You can find a number of videos on how to practice mindfulness on YouTube.

Things you can do now:

• Pick up the phone. Sometimes just hearing the voice of a friend can lift our mood. If you have someone in your life who you haven’t talked to in a while, why not get back in touch?
• Go for a walk. A five minute or longer, walk around the garden or local area can help you think and remove you from a stressful situation.
• Getting more active. You don’t have to run a marathon to feel the benefits of exercise. Getting off the bus or lift a stop/floor early or doing some stretching can improve your mood.
• Get outside. Our mood can be improved by being able to see a bit of the natural world.
• Improve your sleep. Feeling low can be tiring which can in turn make you feel low. See our section on ‘Sleep’ for some tips on how to sleep better.
• Listen to a favourite song. Music can lift our mood and we often associate certain songs with happy events in our lives. Take a little time to listen to some music that makes you smile.
• Are you depressed? If you think you may be depressed you should speak with your GP.

Exercises

• Which of these activities could you try to improve your mood? 1) sleep better, 2) reduce your alcohol intake, 3) go for a walk, 4) phone a friend.
• Think of the names of two friends you could ring now for a chat.
• Pick a time during your day when you could go out for a 5-10 minute walk.
• Think of an activity did you used to do and might like to take up again.

Help seeking

Many family carers are in contact with charities which provide a range of services and support. If you are not in contact with a charity you should think about talking to one of our partners (https://carers-id.com/partners/) to see how they can help.

To access your local healthcare services you should contact your GP or if you have one, your social worker or case worker. They may be able to refer you to an appropriate service that can meet your needs.

Below are a number of organisations you could approach if you wanted to seek some further support.